PJO PWNED!
by Fullmetal Assassin
Summary: this is a little show for torturing PJO characters. Basically, if you are tired of story lines and love pointless stories, this story is perfect for you! Flames are not taken seriously here. TEEHEE! a little OOC
1. Percy Jackson

me:Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Torture Channel on Hephaestus TV! This week our show features the Seaweed Brain himself, Percy Jackson!

POOF *Percy appears in chains*

Percy:What the Hades? What's going on here!

Me:Well, you are on the Torture channel. Courtesy of Aphrodite and Ares.

Percy:Grr. Im gonna kill them, well not Aphrodite because she's hot. But Ares.

Me:Umm. Percy? Remember, you are on TV.

Percy:Oh, Cr-.

*Ares and Hephaestus appear and blast Percy then return to Olympus.*

Me:Oh yeah, Annabeth, and camp is in the audience.

Percy:_Styx_

Annabeth:PERCY JACKSON!

*Annabeth stomps towards the stage.*

Annabeth:What. Did. You. Say?

_gulp_

Percy:Um, Security!

*Security drags Annabeth away*

Annabeth:What? NO! THIS ISN'T OVER!

Percy:ow.

Me:And yet we havnt even started. Ah, happy days. On with torture number one! * Puts gag in Percy's mouth and shoves Percy in a closet blasting with one less lonely girl by Justine Peabrain*

Me;Everyone, if you look at the big screen above us, you will see Percy in there!

_Three minutes later_

*drags Percy out*

Me:Let's see the damages. Hmm. fetal position, quivering... Let's take out the gag.

Percy:... orror! Oh my gods, The horror. Kill me! Take me now Uncle Hades! *whimpers*

Me:Oo kay then everyone. Let's take a break and let Percy's sanity return.

_backstage_

*Zeus appears* Hey. I hear you are torturing my nephew?

Me:yes...

Zeus:I'll pay you twenty drachmas if you take snapshots for me. AND I'll let you use the master bolt.

Me;DEAL!

Zeus:Perfect!

*Percy walks in.*

Percy:What's perfect?* Zeus dissapears*

Me:Hey didn't I put you in chains?

Percy:I got out.

Me;Too bad *snaps fingers as a puff of white smoke appear leaving behind chains.*

Percy:WHAT? OH COME ON! IS NOTHING SACRED ANYMORE?

Me:nope. now come on. *gurney appears*

Me:lets go.* starts pushing Percy as Hades appears*

Hades:Hey, I heard you have a deal with Zeus to torture him and take pictures.

Me:Yes...

Hades:I want some of that action.

Me:Sure but I need pay...

Hades:twenty five Drachmas and a extra five if I can have front row seats.

Me:Sure. Seat 1A. Popcorn's up at the main desk.

Hades:Thanks. here are your thirty drachmas

Me:Okay but hurry because I'm about to start the show

Percy:ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY IS MY UNCLE HERE TO SEE ME GET TORTURED?

Me:Actually, Zeus paid me too. He got a V.I.P seat.

Percy:WHAT THE F***?

Me:SHUT THE FRONT DOOR* gag appears*

Percy:MMMMMMM!

Me:Welcome back everyone!

*Applause*

Me:Thank you. now on with the show... APHRODITE'S CHILDREN AND APHRODITE! HALF BLOOD MAKE OVER!

*squeals from the audience as the Aphrodite cabin and Aphrodite appears with tables of make up*

Me:Everyone give a warm welcome!

*More applause and whistles as Percy spits out gag*

Percy:WHAT?

Me:Oh, be quiet. Or do I have to get the duct tape?

Me:FIRE!*sleeping dart fired at Percy*

Percy:zzzzzz

Me:Okay. Aphrodite's, get to work

Me:Okay, work it work it.* takes pics*

*Percy wakes up.*

Percy:HOLY HADES!

*mirror appears in front of Percy*

Percy:AAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE *_thump*_

Me:Umm okay, our contestant's fainted.

...

Percy:WHOA!

Me:Welcome back Perce.

Percy:You better sleep with one eye open tonight...

Me:OH SHOOT I ALMOST FORGOT!*pulls out Master Bolt*

Me;MWAHAHAHA. and you were saying...

*Poseidon appears.*YOU WILL NOT HARM MY CHILD!

Me:Oh look! Um, MILEY CYRUS IS THERE!

Poseidon:eww...

Me:Um, BRITNEY SPEARS!

Poseidon:WHERE?

Percy:DAD!

Me:um, go straight, turn left at China and go left when you reach Spain.

Poseidon:Thanks!

Me:Now...

*Blasts Bolt whilst taking pics*

Percy:Umf...

Me:Well, that wraps up the show for today. Tune in next time to see... Well, the thing is I cant tell you because they will hear it and go into hiding.

Me:BYE! SEE YOU NEXT TIME!

**I would like to make a special shout out to I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares. Thanks for the inspiration and ideas! The name definently suits you.  
Check out her stories, especially her story When Heroes Fall. It's an amazing and- *cough* ugh. complimenting her is like drinking poison. Bleh**

**REVIEW AND TUNE IN NEXT TIME!**


	2. Annabeth Chase

Me: Hello, evryone! I'm Kristen(daughter of Hecate), your host(not your type of host, Kronos, you nasty!)for tonight's show! Welcome back to the Torture Channel on Hephaestus TV!

Me: Now, our _special _guest tonight is Annabeth Chase! *Annabeth appears on a dolley chained*

Annabeth:What the Hades? *looks around* aw you mother F***ing idi- *duct tape appears over mouth* MMMFFFFFFFF! AFEHA WEL GEF OU!

Me: What? *rips duct tape off*

Annabeth:I said A- OWW!*holds lip in pain* ATHENA WILL GET YOU! You mothe-*slaps duct tape on again*

Me: Where is Athena?

*Athena appears*

Me: Um, look! It's your once beloved son George Washington!

Athena: WHERE!

Annabeth: MMFFF!

Me: um, in Wonderland?

Athena: I shall visit Alice and the Mad Hatter at once! *dissapears*

Me: WAIT! I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE THEME PARK! Oh well! Now on with the show! *Puts on gas mask* Everyone! If you look under your seats, you will find gasmasks and bio-hazards suits! Please put them on! This is required for this excursion of torment * evryone puts one on*

Annabeth: WAIT! WHAT ABOUT ME!

Me: first of all, you are the contestant! You don't get luxuries like gas masks! Second of all, how'd you get the duct tape off?

Annabeth: I chewed it off.

Me: Eww. oh well. * cherry flavored duct tape appears again*

Annabeth: O comf ofn!

Me:Now, many of you may be wondering what this torture is and why you need bio-hazard suits and gas masks. Well this torture is The Torture Bed! It is a bed filled with toxic stenched things! For example, The Hermes' and Hephaestus cabin's dirty laundry! Or my brother's dirty gym socks. Well, mainly the gym socks. *Pushes Annabeth into chamber with torture bed*

Me:The chamber walls are see through, so we will be able to see Annabeth! * Annabeth thrashes and kicks. Then faints*

Okay. Pull her out. Yo, Hades. is she almost dead?* Hades appears in ghost made bio-hazard . Made out of people*

Hades: Almost.

Me:Cool* Hades dissapears* *Pokes Annabeth with a stick.* Um, we are going to take a little commercial break. APOLLO!

_backstage_

_*Medusa in shades and Arachne appear* WTF DON'T KILL ME!_

Medusa: Are you torturing that daughter of Athena?

Me:erm, maybe?

Medusa: I want snapshots! Didn't you and Zeus have a deal like that?

Me: um, yeah.

Medusa: Great. fifteen drachmas for snapshots and tickets.

Me: Fine but you get 6th row seats because too many people hold grudges here.

Arachne: What about me?

Me: Well I need some pay...

Arachne: Twenty drachmas! And you get to use some of my children...

Me: DEAL!

Arachne: PERFECT! *Apollo wheels Annabeth in as Arachne dissapears*

Annabeth: Huh?What?

Me: oh, nothing *smiles evilly*

Annabeth: Styx. * gag appears*

Me: now come on! *Crowd applause*Thank you!. Torture number two! Annabeth and Percy locked in a closet. I didn't get to see what Annabeth would do to Percy after that little..Er, comment * chains come off Annabeth and Percy appears. Shoves them in a closet*

Percy: Wait! I didn't mean-_ thump _but I didn't-_thump _I mean-_thump_ Oh come on! _THUMP! *_Annabeth walks out.*

Me:Tranqs! *tranquilizers shoot Annabeth* Now, Aphrodite's, ANNABETH NEEDS TO PLAY DRESS UP! * Aphrodite and Aphrodite cabin appear and swarm Annabeth*

Annabeth: hmm. what * mirror appears* WHAT THE F***! HOLY HADES! * shining light appears on a Hades with a halo and angel wings* Okay then. WHAT THE HADES AM I DRESSED AS?

Me: A hooker?

Annabeth: Why you lit-

Me: RELEASE THEM! * spiders crawl out of trap door*

Annabeth: AIEEE! *Faints when Athena showes up carrying the cheshire cat*

Athena: I didnt find him! WHERE IS HE?

Me: I told you. Wonderland.

Athena: I checked there.

Me: The theme park?

Athena: I gonna get you... * greek armor appears*

Me : oh yeah? * straitjacket appears on Athena* SECURITY!

Athena: WHAT! THIS ISNT OVER!

Me: TRANQS!

Athena: zzzZZZZ

Me : PWNED! well that's it for today folks! Stay tuned and always drink you toilet water!

**Thanks for reading! Again thanks to I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares for the help and info. Also thank you:**

**cRaZyRaNdOmPeRsOn**

**izle**

**Lemonstickinsect**

**Mileycat**

**XDiheartpercyjacksonXD**

**Tori-Goddess of storms**

**I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares**

**for reviewing, you get a lollipop. Chuck Norris ate all the cookies. :( also, i'm opening a Grudge Booth. Whatever demigod shows up, you can pay to get front row seats and shots! or you can tell me who in a REVIEW!**

**PS I know this isnt a good chapter, sorry, but you can't do much to Annabeth. Maybe Nico**

**Nico: WHAT?**

**Me: Nothing. Wait! NO! DONT GO! ill get him. even if I have to ride a Party Pony...**

**REVIEW!**


	3. Dionysus & Clarrise

Me:Hello, everyone! Welcome back to... well, if you've seen this show already, you'd know where we are. Welcoming, me, of course and we have a special guest appearance, Friends Are Like Potatoes. *POOF! FALP appears*

FALP: Hi! You can call me Friends Are Like Potatoes or Angela. Whatever works.

Me: And our other guest, is Mr. D/Dionysus! *POOF! Dionysus appears in a wine bottle* everyone give a welcome to him, huh? *half hearted clapping*

Dionysus: So i'm here in your little crappy show. Whoop dee do. What next? A mallet to the head?

Me: Er, no, not yet. NOW ONWITH THE SHOW! By the way, yould you like some Merlot white wine? You're not at camp...

Dionysus: GIMME! * Drinks and spit takes* WHAT THE HELL IS THIS CRAP?

FALP: Ewww... you spit taked on me.

Me: Deer pee and water and a hint of apple juice. And FALP, no one cares.

Dionysus: BLEH! WATER! WATER!

FALP: HAHA! *goes to the bathroom to get cleaned up*

Me: Dis is why you don't accept stuff from people you've insulted. TEEHEE!And we still havn't started! Ah, the joys in this life. Now. * snaps fingers for to Dionysus dissapear*

Me: Now many of you may be wondering where our guest is. We sent him to a daycare. MWAHAHAHAHAHA. If you look at the big screen, you will see Dionysus at ladybug daycare. Where my brother said, and I quote' The corn there tastes like alien food.'(LOLs he actually did say that) and I've experienced it. We've bugged the daycare in order to see Dionysus.

*Dionysus screams and starts jumping in the wine bottle. Kids start shaking him and biting him. Gets a heart atack from so many screams. applause from the audience*

Me:Ookay then. We are going to summon Dionysus here.* Dionysus appears* Um, we're gonna have to get him to forget this so he isn't scarred for the rest of his immortal life.*Mr. D wakes up as I hit Dionysus in the head with a mallet.* I HAVE FULFILLED MY PROPHECY!MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! We're going to take a commercial break. If you are wondering why all the front seats are open, it's because you need to visit the Grudge Booth. Visit for front row seats for twnty drachmas. An extra five for pics.

_at the grudge booth backstage_

me: WTH? Why is all off Camp Half-Blood here?

Percy: We're here to get to the grudge booth.

Me: All of you?

Camp:YES!

Me:First come first served.* Camp starts knocking people out*

_eight minutes later_

Me:Welcome back, everyone. We are sending Dionysus away. AGAIN! To surf in shark infested waters!

Dionysus: !

Me: Have fun! * Dionysus poofs away*Now, we can see Dionysus surf with a yellow surfboard. Oh, gods, he's in swimtrunks! My EYES! THEY BURN! * flashes Dionysus into a bath robe*much better

* Dionysus gets bitten by sharks. Repeadetly. And Piranas. Gets knocked over by a wave. And dosn't come up*

FALP: I'm back! What did I miss?

Me: Nothing. Just a angry mob, Dionysus getting stuck in a shark stomach, me hitting him in the head with a mallet. You know, nothing out of the ordinary. But he didn't last long. Even _Percy_ lasted longer than him. stupid god.

Percy: Hey, why compare him to me?

Me: Because you are weak ,retarted and pathetic.

Percy:Am not

Me:Are too

Percy:Am not

Me:Are too!

Percy:Nuh uh!

Me:Uh huh

Percy:Nuh uh

Me:Nuh uh

Percy:Uh huh

Me: HA!

Percy:what. oh- wait-come on!

Me: PWNAGE! PERCY JACKSON HAS BEEN VERBALLY PWNED! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

FALP: Okay Percy, Shut up. Now it's time for another torture!

Percy: Another torture?

FALP: Yup. Now Clarrise, where are you

*Clarrise pops out of now where*

Clarrise: What the F*** where am I?

FALP: Your on a torture show! Now sit in that chair.

Clarrise: What? No!

FALP: SIT!

*Clarrise is forced into the chair and chains rap around her*

FALP: APHRODITE! Do your work!

*Aphrodite pops out of now where*

Aphrodite: Gladly *Puts a fairy princess dress on Clarrise along with jewelry and a ton of makeup*

Clarrise: WTF! (($*W()(*?$/''45$($&((3$((!#_+(*

FALP: Clarrise, go to the sharks! DON'T SWEAR LIKE THAT! Kids are freaking reading!

*Clarrise is suddenly in a shark's stomache*

Me: well our contestants in the stomach of a shark, so I guess we have to wrap it up early.

FALP: Yup!

Me: *Hits FALP in the head with the mallet* I have completed my duties in accordance with the prophecy. TEEHEE!Stay tuned for our next guest*censored*. For all those who visited the grudge booth, visit again to get your pics! STAY TUNED!

**Yes I did update twice today, but that's cause you guys are awesome and left cool reviews. And Sam threatened to send pink flamingos after me if I didnt update soon. Special thanks to Goddess of Perfection, FALP, and I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares for helping me out with ideas. And thank you cRaZyRanD0mPerS0n,I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares,AlexaA,Goddess of Perfection,Emily a Huntress of Artemis ,XXForrestStarXX,izle, and Friends Are Like Potatoes . You guys PWN and get Pizza Pockets! .**

**Crap! I forgot! I do not own PJO!**

**Percy: You don't?**

**Me:Noooooo**

**Percy: Then why do you torment us?**

**Me: Cause I can.**

**Percy: But- *Fish based ducked tape appears over Precy's mouth***

**Me:Just because the show's over doesn't mean I can't still torture you! BYE!**

**REVIEW! OTHERWISE I SHALL SEND CHUCK NORRIS AFTER YOU! I DON'T CARE IF IT'S POINTLESS! DO IT!  
**


	4. Nico episode 1

Me: Hello, Everybody! Welcome to the Torture Channel on Hephaestus TV! Last time, we had a double whammy on Dionysus and Clarrise! So this time, we are doing a marathon on... NICO DI ANGELO! *Loud applause as Nico appears.*

Nico: Huh? *looks around* Styx! Time to shadow travel! * Chains appear on him and he appears on the Torture bed*

Me: There. That should hold him for a while. Oh, this is going to be fun. And another special co-host appearance, I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares/Sam! POOF!*I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares appears* everybody, give a warm welcome!*cricket, cricket. cough* And we are inviting Mia from When Heroes Fall to the mix! *Mia appears* Anyone who's read it would know that it's not very smart to put Mia and Nico together in a closet. *grabs Nico and Mia and shoves them in a closet and tosses a mallet in* good luck with that!

...

*Mia walks out*

Mia: That was fun!

Me: Umm, what happened to Nico?

Mia: Let's just say he may or may not see his daddy today. *Nico walks out*

Nico: YOU PHYCOPATH!

Mia: *lets out battle cry as I grab her*

Me: MIA! WE NEED HIM FOR THE REST OF THE SHOW! DO YOU OR DO YOU NOT WANT TO SEE HIS PANTS LIT ON FIRE?

Nico: WHAT?

Me and Mia: Oh, nothing.

Nico: Crap, crap, crap.

Sam: Where? I don't see any poo...

Me: NOW APHRODITES!* Whispers in their ears* NOW GO! TRANQS! *shoots Nico with Tranqs.*

Nico:*zzzzZZZ* No, don't do it! NOOOOO!

Me: I'm gonna have to ask him about that...! Now GO! *Aphrodites gives Nico a make over*Now for the final touch... *Gives Nico helium*

Sam: This oughta be good...

Nico: huh? what? what happened? *Mirror poofs in in front of Nico* OMZ! AIEEEEEE! WHAT IS THIS? I LOOK LIKE A GIRL!

Mia: LOLS LOLS LOLS! NICO HAS BEEN PWNED!

Aphrodite chick: Your Justin Bieber, silly.

Nico: Which proves my point.

Me: Now, we've done a new segment? Mobs or mobbed? We will see if angry mobs attempt to get Nico or mobbed by girls. Follow me to the grudge booth, where you can bet your money to see if he gets mobbed or mobs.*Crowd follows* So all those who thinks he will get mobs, place your money, write your name on a sheet of paper and what side you're on and drop it in the box. Same with people on the mobbed side.

_ten minutes later_

*POOF! Nico dissapears with me , a airhorn and a camera*

Me: *Blows airhorn and straps camera to his back* Good luck!*poofs back* Now let's watch the big screen! * Watches TV*

TV...

Man: Hey! There's Justine Beaver!

Woman's voice: GET HER!

Crowd: ARGH! *crowd chases Nico with torches and pitchforks.*

Sam: I wanna help! *Grabs pitchfork and poofs out.*

Nico in high squeaky voice: I'm not Justine Peabrain! I'm someone dressed as her! * Tugs on wig* WHY WON'T IT COME OFF?

Me: Hi Five Aphrodite's! Its dead accurate! Nice job with gluing the wig? How long is it going to stay on?

Aphrodite: Oh, two days. At least.

Me: Nice.*snaps fingers for skirt to appear on Nico*

Nico: NOOOO! * Gets lost in mob*

Mia: *cries* It's so beautiful... *sniff sniff. Wipes tears from her eyes*

Me: Okay. Mobs or mobbed? mobs. go up to the grudge booth to get your pay. We're gonna take a little break and wait for Nico to, erm, get outta there. I'll poof him back later.*Sam poofs back*

Sam: YAYS! I get paid! runs to booth*

_backstage at the Grudge booth_

*Zeus appears*

Me: Zeus? What the Hades are you doing here again?

Zeus: I wanna make the same deal as last time.

Me: Why? It isn't Percy.

Zeus: But it is still a son of Hades.

Me: Fine. One V.I.P seat for twenty drachmas, and I get the Master Bolt again.

Zeus: DEAL! *Mia walks in*

Mia: Hey what's happening?

Me: Oh, I'm just making a deal with Zeus. He gets a VIP seat and we get to use the Master Bolt on Nico.

Mia: YES!

Me: Okay, Let's go back.

Me: Welcome back everyone! * Applause* *Nico poofs in*

Nico: STYX !I WAS ALMOST HOME!

Me: Too bad. Now. Mia, Zeus and I are gonna do one of those dunktanks. Not filled with water, but cotton candy PERFUME!

Nico: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me: And everyone give a warm welcome to Zeus, king of the gods! * Zeus poofs in*

Zeus: Hello, thank you, thank you. It is my honor to be here with this particular contestant... but on with the show. * dunktank appears with pink ...liquids and Nico sitting over it in chains*

Me: Step right up! Dunk a son of hades in perfume!

Nico: FATHER HELP ME!

Hades: You'll be fine... *steps in line*

Nico: OH COME ON!

Me: Let's go! *Shoots and hits target. Nico falls*

Nico: It BURNS! *starts dissolving*

Me: Er, we're gonna wrap this up.

Mia: WAIT! *grabs bolt* MUAHAHAHAHAAHA! *Blasts Nico* That'll be all folks! Bye!

**Well, I'm thanking the usual, again! And a huge shout out to all who reviewed! Chuck Norris shall not hunt you down... exept for you Sam. He's coming... The next person is, well, I said It's a marathon, so who do you think?**

**Me: Take him to the dungeo- um, I mean guest rooms.**

**Nico: No, don't do it! STOP ENCOURAGING HER NOOO!**

**Mia: Mwahahahahaha. TO THE TORTURE CHAMBERS!**

**TUNE IN NEXT TIME AND REVIEW!**


	5. Nico episode 2

Me:Hello everyone! Welcome to the Torture Channel on Hephaestus TV! Today, we continue our Nico marathon! * Nico appears in a straitjacket*

Nico:... So what's it gonna be this time? Ear piercing? Getting mauled by a bear? Mia's tortured me enough down there.

Me: aw come on, have a little spirit! You sound so emo!

Nico: So you're telling me to have a little spirit. While I'm being tortured.

Me: YUP! Because you are going to Candy Mountain with Charlie the Unicorn!

Nico:*eyes widen in horror* What? NO! Don't- *Nico vanishes*

Me: la. lala. lalalalalala. la. lala. lalalalalalalah. dun dunn dah dun dun dun dun...*Nico reappears*

Nico:EVIL CANDY! THE HORROR!

Me:er, Nico, are you all right?

Nico: Evil!

Me:*pours gas on his pants* This otta set him straight...*lights match and drops it on his pants*

...*Pants combust*

Nico: OHMYGODS!PUT IT OUT! PUT IT OUT!*Runs around the stage as fire turns into greek fire* ARGHH!

Me:huh. wonder how that happened...oh well. He'll live. I think.

Nico*rolls on the ground*

Me:*shrugs* Oh well*starts listening to fire burning while watching Nico* fine. POSEIDON! *wave crashes on Nico* see? That's just the type of giving, generous person I am. We are going to take our commercial break and wait for Nico to recover...*smiles evilly*

_backstage_

Me: dun dun dun dun dadun dun dadun. dun dun... I'm bored *Luke appears

Me:HOLY SHIT! WTF?

Luke:Tsk tsk tsk. Don't swear.

Me: Yes, I shouldn't swear when a dead dude pops out of nowhere!

Luke: you shouldn't.

Me: Anyways, why are you here and not Elysium?

Luke: I got bored. And I heard you were torturing people.

Me: yes. and your point is...

Luke: I want front row seats so I can watch them get embarrased.

Me:And your point is...

Luke: You're just gonna keep on saying that, arn't you.

Me: And your point is...

Luke: I still have Backbiter.

Me: And your point is...

Luke: *Points Backbiter out* I have it right here.

_five minutes later of annoying and threataning_

Luke: Screw this.* starts running with Backbiter*

Me:*snaps fingers for Backbiter to turn into a back scratchecher* Thanks! I needed one of these!

Luke: Just gimme the tickets and I'll pay...

Me: Fine. be that way.*hands him tickets* Time to go!*walks onto stage* We are live in five, four, three, two, one. Hello, everyone! Welcome back. We are going on to the next event, requested by an anonymous reviewer! Um, it says 'send an army of marysues and fangirls after Nico'

Nico: WHAT? Wait a minute, I can shadow travel! * Shadow travels to river Styx and poofs back* OW! HOT HOT HOT!

Me: Why'd you poof back here?

Nico: Knowing you, you would have poofed me back anyways.

Me: So what's the thing that ties you down to the earth?

Nico: NO WAY IN DAD AM I TELLING YOU WHERE MY FREAKING MORTAL POINT IS!

Me: Not your mortal point, but who ties you down. Little mister i-wanna-jump-into-rivers-that-want-to-dissolve-me

Nico: Er, a... certain person...

Me:OOH...APHRODITE!

Nico: ARGH! NOT EVEN BEING INVINCIBLE CAN KEEP ME SAFE FROM _HER_!

Me: Now where is that make-up bag she gave me a while ago?

Nico: She may tell you where my mortal point is!

Me: I know. but...

Nico:*runs out onto street* I'm free!

Me:idiot. That's where his next torture's gonna be. Oh well.*Blows into a whistle* FAN GIRLS AND MARY-SUES! ATTACK!Now, if you look at the big screen, you can see Nico run from them. Ah, I love my job.

_on the streets..._

Nico: NOOOO! *gets down on knees* GODS HELP ME! *shining gold light flashes on Nico* huh. Didn't think that would work. * shape starts coming towards him* Must be the gods...*kneels down*

MOOO!

Nico: This can't be good... * Gets crushed by Bessie*

Zeus: Sorry! We're testing how bouncy the Orphiotaurus is. You ruined it!

Nico: Yes, because a serpent cow landing on me is my fault. That makes alot of sense.

Zeus: Do you dare test me boy? * takes out master bolt and shoots Nico*

Me: Wow. Those last two I did not expect. But the more the merrier. *Nico gets overwhelmed by _them.*_

Nico: NO! PLEASE! NOOOO! * TV goes static*

...

*Nico walks in battered*

Nico: The horror... Knowing you, you have another torture for me in store.

Me: YUP! * Poofs Nico into chains and shoves him in soundproofed closet*

Me: Now, that closet he was just shoved in has Hannah Montana and Justine Peabrain BLASTING in there, so he may not be sane when he returns... *Thump* NICO DI ANGELO, YOU BEHAVE OR I WILL KICK IT UP A NOTCH!

...

Me: *Pulls Nico out* Er, we're gonna end the show here. Nico boy went cookoo. BYE! TUNE IN NEXT TIME!

**Lols, yes I know that chapter was kinda lame, but I'm running out of inspiration. I NEED REVIEWS PEOPLE! Also, thank you's to I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares and Friends Are Like Potatoes. And thank you all who reviewed, you are safe from Sam's pink flamingos and Chuck Norris. Review to tell me who you want me to do after the Nico marathon and what you want me to do to Nico, cause I'm running outta ideas. **

**REVIEW AND DO NOT BECOME A MARY SUE IN YOUR LIFE!**


	6. Nico episode 3

Me:Welcome people of Canada, USA and Mars! We continue on with our contestant, NICO! *Nico poofs in wearing a wedding dress* *Nico looks down*

Nico: WHAT THE FUCK? WHY THE HELL AM I WEARING A WEDDING DRESS?

Me: Cause you're getting married to Miley Cyrus.

Nico: WHAT! NO WAY IN HADES AM I MARRYING MILEY CYRUS. IN A WEDDING DRESS! IM NOT FREAKING GAY!**( no offense to any gay people. as for people who like Hannah Montana, there is something severely wrong with you and you may have to consult a doctor or phycologist) **

Me: Too bad. You're on my show. Now on we go! *stage turns into chapel*

_ten minutes later_

Miley:" I do"

Priest dude:Nico di Angelo, do yo-

Me: Just kiss her already!

Priest dude: You may kiss the bride.

Nico: NOOOO *Miley kisses him* I'm MELTING! PLEASE! KILL ME! TAKE ME NOW, FATHER!

Hades: *sinks into the ground suspiciously as Nico looks away*

Nico:*Looks back* Father? *scans the crowd* OH COME ON! DAD!

Me: Not done yet! *chains Nico and Miley together and put them on a loop de loop rollercoaster where they get stuck. Upside down* CAMERAS!  
*cameras rush down and video tape Miley Cyrus making out with Nico. As he struggles to get away*

Me: It's so beautiful! *Miley turns into Justine Peabrain*

Nico: HOLY SHIT! GET ME OFF! I'M STILL CHAINED TO HER!OH MY GODS SHE'S BI SEXUAL! KRISTEN I'M GONNA KILL YOU WHEN I GET OFF!

Me: Wow. Look at how angry he is. Oh, look; he's disintigrating. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Nico: NO! Wait, YES! FATHER, TAKE ME NOW! *roller coaster turns on* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Me:Imma genius. *Peabrain barfs on Nico* Oh, did not see that one coming!

Nico: OH COME ON!

Me: If only I could get paid to do this... WAIT! I DO GET PAID!

_another ten minutes later_

*Nico walks in with Peabrain chained to his side*

Nico: I want out.

Me: NOPE!

Nico: GIVE ME A BREAK!

Me: Fine. But only because I need to see who's at the Grudge booth. *Nico poofs into chamber blasting with Peabrain music in chains*

Nico: WHY? WHY DOES ALL THIS HAPPEN TO ME!

Me:Er, Let's go...

_backstage_

Me: Who else is there to hate Nico...* Hunters appear*

Me: Ah. There you are.

Hunter chick: We would like to see the _boy_ tortured.

Me: Sure. Twenty drachmas per person, and thirty for four people. Deal?

Hunter chicks: Deal.

Me: If ya want, you can help.

Hunters: DEAL!

Me: Perfect. Please, take your complimentary torture devices. A mace can, a Justin Peabrain shirt, The Aphrodite cabin... *Hunters swarm torture pile*

_on stage_

Me: Hello, welcome back! Today, we have a special camp appearance, THE HUNTERS! *applause* *Hunters poof in*

Me: And now, FREESTYLE TORTURE! *Nico appears with Hannah Montana headphones*

Nico: GET THEM OFF! * Cactus appears in Nico's mouth*

Me: Huh. I was aiming for duct tape, but that'l work. HUNTERS GO! *Hunters rush Nico*

Nico: MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

Me: I couldn't say it better myself. *poofs up popcorn*

_ten minutes later_

Me: Wow. They really hate guys. Currently, Nico is strapped upside down on a bullseye and is on the top of the Empire state Building. Let's watch on the big screen.

_on the big screen_

Nico: WHY? WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME? WHY! *arrow lands beside him* STYX!

Artemis: FIRE!

Nico: WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME, ARTEMIS?

Artemis: BECAUSE YOU TRIED TO KISS MY LIEUTENANT!

Nico: WHAT?

Me: Ah, the wonders of photoshoping.

Artemis: DIE! *shoots arrow at Nico*

Nico: NOOO! *Nico dies* *Hades appears*

Hades: Artemis, why did you send him to me? I already see him enough in the underworld. *raises Nico from the dead*

Nico: NO! I WAS SO CLOSE!

Me: Screw this. *appears there, poofs up machine gun, and shoots Nico*

Nico: CRAP!

Me: Oh well. We are gonna cut this episode really short, considering our contestant died. STAY TUNED, FOR A SPECIAL EPISODE!

**I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry for the late update and short episode, but I had executioner's block. It's so hard... That and I got caught up reading The Mortal instruments series... Amazing books... Hey have any of you read it? If so, tell me! Wait, ugh I'm off topic. Anyway, Please please please please please please review and tell me who you want tortured, after the next chappie cause the next chapter is special-ish. But review if you want the next chapter, PLEASE! I BEG YOU! And I won't send Chuck Norris after you. But thank you all who reviewed, you are safe tonight... And Tia, if you're reading this, I WANT MY MACHINE GUN AND CHAINSAW BACK! *poofs into battle stuff***

**I gotta go, but REVIEW! Here Tia Tia Tia...**


	7. Mixin it up cause I got bored!

Annabeth: Hello people! Welcome to the Torture Channel on Hephaestus TV! Now most of you are wondering where your usual hostess is. Earlier today, we set up a trap at camp. Kris decided to take a little walk and see who the next victim would be. Of course, with the Athena cabin behind me, We were able to catch her in celestial bronze chains and nets. So, we are gonna host the Torture channel at Camp Half-Blood. *audience poofs to camp* We havn't done anything to her... yet.

Percy: Hello people. For our first segment,we are gonna lock her in a closet, blasting with Hannah Montana!

Me: *calls out from somwhere*Really? Is that the best you can do? Gods, you guys are so unoriginal

Percy: Grrr. Fine. SEND HER INTO THE APHRODITE CABIN!

Me: *shrugs* whatever.

Percy: Why?

Me: I dunno.

Percy:Ah. Anyways, we are sending her into the Aphrodite cabin! *camera swivels to see me in chains*

Me: huh. I always figured I would be in handcuffs or chains at some point. Oh well. *poofs mustache onto Annabeth * There. That should settle the score... *I get thrown into the Aphrodite cabin

_one hour later_

* Aphrodite cabin starts shaking*

Nico: What the Hades? *I walk out with a bow and arrow, machine gun, Tia's 'missing' bazooka, and all black clothes* OH MY GODS! WHAT HAPPENED?

Me: I threatened them that I would smash all their perfume and burn all their Coach stuff if they didn't unchain me. Then they let me out.

Nico: DAMN WE FORGOT TO TAKE THEIR STUFF!

Me: Now... *grins evilly* *shoots fart arrow at Nico*

Nico: NOOOO!

Me: *swarms camp* *gangs up with the Stolls and gives Annabeth a buzzcut*

_another hour later_

*everyone is covered in duct tape*

Me: That's better

Annabeth: No it isn't! This was supposed to be our time!

Me: Ya know what? TOO BAD!

Annabeth: NOOO!

Me: *Walks around and gets caught in another trap.* CRAP! *Campers break free* Styx.

Nico: Ooh! Send a army of Mary sues and stuff after her!

Annabeth: Sure!

_One hour later_

Nico: So what happened? Huh? Huh?

Me: *walks in with mary sues tamed and set on leashes pulling me in a chariot* PWNED!

Nico and Annabeth: OH COME ON!

Me: Sic em!

Camp: STYX!

Annabeth: That'l be all today! NOW RUN!

Me: HOLD UP! NOT YET! GET EM! *Mary sues attack the Camp

_Another ten minutes later_

*Camp is in flames and, well, basically what you would see in a diasaster movie*

Me: Huh. Everyone must have been kidnapped by _them_.

No one: ...

Me: _Now _we'll wrap it up here. THANK YOU ALL! Exept the people who turned against me. You're gonna get it...

**Ah, sorry, but I got bored, no one was reviewing, and I wanted to see what would happen. I may write other chappies like this if I get bored, but if you want me to or not want me to, tell me in a review. And anonymus reviewers, please tell me who you are so I can respond to your reviews and such. And silverartemis5000, no I am not the class clown, I just really like cookies. That and I'm insane from time to time. Not certifiably insane, but you know, I'm on the border line. But anyways,go on! Press the little blue button down there!**

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	8. Thalia Grace

Me: Hey peoples! Welcome back! Last week we had a odd episode, and I'm not sure who the target is though... Me or them... huh... vote on that and get back to me! Anyways, a few of you have been asking me to do certain people, so we are doing... drum roll please... THALIA! *Thalia appears on Torture bed in chains (heh, you thought I forgot about that, didn't you?)*

Thalia: Oh, hell n- *Gets knoked out from stench*

Me: That'll keep her quiet for a while... Now, many of you have suggested that we do... many things to her, and we will. Our first event is a request from The Random Person.

Thalia: WHAT? IMMA KILL YOU LATER!

Me:... UNLEASH THEM! *Pink bunnies start hopping out of the floor towards Thalia*

Thalia: What are those...

Me: Cute, cuddly, fluffy, sweet pink bunnies. Aww, arn't they cute?

Thalia: NO!* Bunnies overwhelm her*

Thalia: IT BURNS! THEIR FLUFFINESS IS GONNA KILL ME! HOW THE HADES DOES THIS HAPPEN?

Me: Twisted reality?

Thalia: CURSE YOU! *Screams in tortured pain*

Me: Ah, music to my ears. *starts dancing randomly* Now, everyone! If you look under your seats, you will find... EGGS! That's right! Throw eggs at a dayghter of Zeus for FREE!

Thalia: WHAT?

Me: Thalia, Thalia. I am ashamed. You should know by now that you are going to experience the most random tortures possible!

Thalia: ... Your so difficult...

Me: Glad we understand eachother. Now... *Picks up riot sheild* FIRE! * Thalia gets pelted in eggs*

Thalia: OH MY FREAKING GODS!

Me: PWNED! Now, we go to the grudge booth!

_backstage_

Me: We are really running out of people... *Stolls appear*

Connor: We would like to buy two tickets!

Me: Okay,that would be forty dollars!

Travis: Okay.

Me: Wait, how do you have enough money to pay?

Connor: We broke into-

Travis: The New york bank.

Me: There are bank _names_, ya know.

Connor: But we don't care about that! But hurry up! They probably caught on by now!

Me: Okay, okay. Here. *hands over tickets* Popcorn's up front *Stolls grin at eachother* And you still have to pay for it.

Travis: Please?

Me: Come on! You just robbed a freaking bank! YOU HAVE MORE THAN ENOUGH MONEY!

Connor: Fine.

Me: Hurry up. I'm about to start the show. *Walks onto the stage*

Producer dude: In 5,4,3,2,1...

Me: WELCOME BACK! *Applause**stage poofs into the middle of nowhere*

Me: Many of you may be wondering why we just poofed here. Well, we are watching Thalia ... SKYDIVE!

Thalia: WHAT?

Me: Without a parachute

Thalia: *Faints*

Me: *shrugs* ON WE GO!

_twenty minutes later_

Me: *straps a camera to Thalia and hooks onto bigscreen* *Pushes Thalia out of an airplane and teleports back to stage*

Me: Now, if we can all turn our attention to the big screen, that would be appreciated!

**On the bigscreen**

*Thalia wakes up*

Thalia: OH MY GODS! *barfs, then splats back up at her* AAAAAAAIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!

Me: This is good popcorn...

Thalia: WHERE THE HADES IS MY PARACHUTE, AT LEAST!

Me: Should we tell... Nah, she'll be fine. I think.*Thalia splats down beside me* *Feels pulse*

Me: Okay, she's dead... *Brings her back*

Thalia: Grr...

Me: *Whistles* *Aphrodite's swarm Thalia* *Comes away with Thalia wearing pink, purple, make up, and _no black at all._

Thalia: WHAT? GRR... Imma get you...*Tries to pull out spear but pulls out long ass lipstick instead*

Me: GASP! I NEVER KNEW YOU LIKED MAKE UP!

Thalia: I.. but... No...

Me: Just admit it. Sigh. Well, that's the end of the show, folks. See ya next time here, on the Torture channel

**Sigh. I know, pretty short, but hey, that's how I roll. WE REACHED THE FIFTY REVIEW MARK! PARTY! Anyone who wants to help me hit 100, REVIEW! And for anonymous reviewers, tell me your penname, cause i wanna respond to your reviews and such and whatevers. Got anyone who wants to go to the grudge booth? Anyone who wants a certain character to come on the show? Tell me in a REVIEW! And hurry, cause the Evil day starts on Tuesday... PRESS THE BLUE BUTTON DOWN THERE!**

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	9. Revenge

**Hey Hey peoples! Wazzup? Anyways, I may be writing this chappie in actual story-ish format or whatcha-ma-call-it. ENJOY!**

_At Camp Half-Blood (third person POV)_

Annabeth strolled into the Athena cabin. Sitting on the bunks were Percy, Nico, Thalia, and Clarisse. They had all come her for the meeting. "Alright" Annabeth started. "You all know what we're here for. We need to stop this Torture show madness _now_. How many more are gonna get tortured in non- violent ways?"

"Non- VIOLENT?" Nico said angrily "THAT CHICK CHAINED ME TO HANNAH MONTANA AND PEABRAIN!" he shouted.

"Bu-" Annabeth was cut off as Nico continued.

" She dunked me in a tank full of cotton candy perfume! She dressed me up as Peabrain. SHE HAD ME RUN AWAY FROM MARY SUES!" Nico had officially lost it. He had begun screaming and tirading about his tortures.

"Well-" Annabeth was cut off again as red alarms blared.

"_ Intruder alert. Tv show hostess alert"_ The machine repeated the message over and over again. The demigods in the cabin bolted out the door towards the armory. They ran outside. The day seemed normal enough. Blue skies, green pastures. But _she _had crossed the borders, and no sane person could take that lightly. Annabeth caught a slight movement in the vegetation. Kristen popped out of the bushes. She was dressed in green camo pants and black combat boots. She had on a tight black tank top fitted on her torso. Black facepaint double lined her cheeks. "FIRE!" She screamed at nothing, pointing at the half bloods. Military men popped out of the brush and splattered them in paintballs. The half bloods stumbled and fell into a large ditch. "Success" the goddess yelled. She shot a missile at the big house. Before the missile touched down, it skidded to a stop, like in those cartoons. It opened up slightly, and a large banner popped out and began to float into the air, high up and over the big house. The banner read '_YOU'VE ALL BEEN PWNED!'_ , mocking the camp. The demigods were picked up in a net and were carried into a van, where guest cage- I mean seats were available. The doors closed as they drove off.

**Lolz, HA! Sorry for the shorter-than-usual-even-though-I-always-say-that chappy, but I felt bad about not updating, and I need this chapter for what I'm planning for later. Sigh. Some of you may be able to guess, but don't tell anyone, or I shall find you. But I also needed this so I could tell you in thes AN that I won't be able to update as often because of school. And please, go vote on my poll and tell me who you want tortured. REVIEW IF YOU WANNA SEE WHAT HAPPENS!**


	10. AN PLEASE READ

**AN Guys, im sorry for the AN, but hey, it was bound to happen sometimes. I wanted to ask all of you to go to Hottiegally's profile and click her Who are you story. Go to the last chapter. Please, do this. Hottiegally has passed from earth to heaven, so please, go and pay your respects by reviewing, since we can't do that in person. Hottiegally was an amazing author, and no, I'm not lying. Please, pay your respects to a girl who has passed from brain tumor. Please, I beg you. Her friend is suffering from this and needs help. If you are kind, you would. If you don't you are a heartless person and... you know what? I'm not in the mood for cussing at anyone. But please, search up Hottiegally and pay your respects. **

**I am also putting PJO PWNED on hold. I can't bear to do it right now since I know a fellow fanfictioness has died and it's hard to torture people when you're so sad. I'm sorry, gimme about a week and I'll be good. Thanks**

**Sincerely,**

** Goddess of Discord and Cookies**


	11. EPICNESS

Me: Hello, everybody! Welcome back! Today, we have a multi. What is a multi, you ask? It's a multi... TORTURE! *curtain opens to show Clarisse,Nico,Thalia,Annabeth,Percy* We have gone to Camp Half-Blood to find these specimens.

Nico: Why are you doing this again? We've already been tortured once, me three times. WHY?

Me: Because. I wouldn't let you try to catch me and just get away with it, now could I?

Percy:Ya, you could.

Me: Percy, it's me. Really?

Percy:..No...

Me: Thank you.

Percy: Er, you're welcome?

Me: Now on with the show! Torture number one! *shoves Percy and Clarisse onto Torture bed*

Annabeth: OH STYX! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! DO YOU _KNOW_ WHAT YOU'VE JUST DONE?

Me: Yup!

Thalia: Really? And you're _okay_ with this?

Me: *Looks towards Torture Bed* Are those bloodstains on the bed? *Clarisse walks outside*

Clarisse: Ya... they... are... *passes out*

Me: Er, cool. Didn't expect that to happen. I think... that we should feed everyone my brother's cooking. *Clarisse wakes up randomly*

All: NOOOO!

Me: Open wide... *chains them down and spoon feeds them*

Clarisse: ARGH! This is the cruelest torture ever! And that's coming from me!*crowd gasps*

Me: Why thank you! *Waves pizza in their faces*

Nico: YOU EVIL B****! *lunges at me*

Me: *Holds book in front of me* QUICK! SPELL ANONYMOUS! *Nico falls to ground*

Nico:ARGH!

Me: That gives me an idea... COMMERCIAL BREAK!

_backstage_

Me: Dum. Da dum. Da dum da dum da dum dum-

*Hades appears*

Me: Well that figures. Do I need to even ask what you want?

Hades: No. *hands me twenty drachmas* It pays to watch heroes rouls get reaped.

Me: Isn't that a line from that prophecy watchamacallit? And interesting choice of words, Hades.

Hades: Why thank you. Which seat, may I ask?

Me:1A, as usual. You use that seat so much it's beginning to smell like death. And, people got bored and decorated it.

Hades: Thank you. And while on the job, here. Take Cerberus.

Me: THANK YOU! YOU'RE ONE OF THE BEST CLIENTS I HAVE(besides Zeus, but don't tell him that) GO! POPCORN IS ON ME!

Hades: Just remember; He likes steak.

Me: Hmm...

_on stage_

Me: WELCOME BACK EVERYBODY! Now, for our latest demigod segment, a request from a reviewer **(Thanks dude. I owe you one) **We have a... DEMIGOD ENGLISH CLASS!* Percy, Annabeth, Nico, and Clarisse appear*

All: WHAT? NO!

Me: And, it's not a regular english class, but, everytime they answer wrong... THEY GET LOCKED IN THE CLOSET WITHH A CRAZED FAN GIRL AND A MARY SUE!*audience claps. Including Hades. Then he faints from happiness*

Me: Okay people. How do you spell... Cheese? Annabeth?

Annabeth: *gulps* Okay. C-H-I, WAIT, NO. E! Z-

Me: Ooh, so close. And you're supposed to be the smart one. Oh well. Since you have no fans-

Annabeth: HEY! I do so ha-*duct tape appears on her mouth* MMFFFF!

Me: You will be taking a bath, in Mrs O'Leary's drool. *tub appears beside Annabeth* And let's dye it PINK! *tub turns pink*

Annabeth: MMFFF! *gets dunked into Mrs O'Leary's drool*

Me: So beautiful...*wipes tears from eyes* gotta stay stong, gotta stay strong. *turns to audience* Now, while that beaty takes place, why don't we continue class. Percy? spell HADES.

Percy: H-A-G- *alarms blare*

Me: Ooh, Hades must be _maaaad. _*Crack opens at Percy's feet and Hades dissapears*

... O_o *Percy comes back up*

Percy: The horror. Oh, the horror. So much black and red and owls-

Me: Owls?

Percy: Athhena's still out to get me.

Me: Ah. And you still have an appointment with a Mary Sue and fangirl.

Percy: NOOO! *gets shoved in closet with _them_ *

Me: Now, I'mbored, and... *sets Nico's hair on fire*

Nico: STYX! AHH! *runs while fire turns to greek fire. Again*

Me: And... *pushes Clarisse into random pit that leads to fields of punishment*

Thalia: Oh gods.

Me: YUP! * dumps steak and gravy juice on Thalia* As Charon says, 'Old Three-Face is hungry again'. RELEASE HIM!

Thalia: SHIT! *Cerberus charges at Thalia* *TV breaks off with burst of static*

**Sigh. Sorry for the quick break, but I'mtired. And thank you all who reviewed, and a special thanks to Tori-Goddess of Chaos, I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares, Derek Douglas(Bleh), Tia Goddes of the Skies, and shawnsonofposiden. Couldn't have done this without you. REVIEW!**


	12. EPICNESS Continues

Me: HEY EVERYONE! WE ARE CURRENTLY WATCHING CERBERUS MAUL THALIA!

Thalia: ARGH! HELP ME!

Me: Nope!

Thalia: Oh, come on! GIMME A BREAK!

Me: Fine. *breaks Thalia's leg*

Thalia: STYX! WHAT WAS THAT FOR!

Me:You said you wanted a break...

Thalia: I MEANT A TIME OUT THING!

Me: Oh, why didn't you be more specific?

Thalia: BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT IT MEANS IN GENERAL!

Me: But you didn't say... Ah well. CERBERUS!

Thalia: NOOOO!

Me: Er, how about we check on other people, shall we?*goes to closet with Percy and _them_*

Percy: LET ME OUT! _thump!_

Me:*opens door* What happened?

Percy: THEY STARTED A WAR AND KILLED EACH OTHER!

Me: Mmhmm. Sure. I'm gonna give you a break.

Percy: YAY! Wait, where?

Me: The Fields of Punishment.

Percy: *shrugs* Meh. Better than here. *dissapears to Fields of Punishment*

Me:Good. Now let's go see... Annabeth. *goes to pink tub* *Pink tub dissapears leaving pink Annabeth behind*

Annabeth: OH MY GODS! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME? I'M SLIMY AND PINK! HOW LONG WILL THIS TAKE TO WEAR OFF?

Me: Oh, it's permanent.

Annabeth: It's already fading.

Me:Too bad.*snaps fingers for dye to be permanent*

Annabeth: How can I get it off?

Me: Ya gotta... Kiss the entire Ares cabin, Mr. D, and kiss the entire Hermes cabin. Till then... *dissapears to Fields of Punishment in puff of pink smoke*

Me: Well, Nico's dead, again...*holds up Nico's ashes* Like dat, everyone else is in the fields of Punishment, so... I guess we wrap it up...

**That was so beautiful... *sniff sniff* Lolz, filler chappie, sorry, but I got bored and decided to end the EPICNESS episode. On my poll, many of you have voted, Stolls in the lead. If you want someone else tortured instead, go there and vote. And REVIEW! OR I SHALL SIK FRED THE GIANT INVINCIBLE MAN EATING BANANA ON YOU!**


	13. The Stolls, episode 1

Me: Welcome back, PEOPLE! You are watchingThe Torture Channel, on Hephaestus TV! By request, we have... THE STOLLS! *Stolls appear wrapped in seaweed*

Connor: Oh, gods, not us!

Me:yeah...

Travis: Oh gods, it smells TERRIBLE! The seaweed stinks! *Poseidon poofs in*

Poseidon: What. Did. You. Say?

Travis: *gulp* Er, I said, how much I love sush-

Connor: SHUT UP YOU IDIOT!

Poseidon: Grr... *him and Travis poof away*

O_o

Me: Oh gods...

Connor: Erm, is Travis okay?

Me: I honestly don't know...

*Travis poofs back*

Me: Travis, gods, you look like Tartarus.

Travis: So... many... sharks... dead fish... pirahnas... COWS!

Me: Uh, Travis?

Travis: MOO! AGH! IT'S SO TERRIBLE!

Me: Uhm... *takes out bucket 'o' acid* This oughtta help. Mental rehabilitation; asian goddess style. *pours acid on Travis*

Travis: So... many... cow- AAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! IT BURNS! IT BURNS! *combusts randomly* HOLY SHIT! WTF! YOU [ insert long line of profanities here]

Me: Uh huh. Well, five years of rehab crammed into five minutes! That's a record!

Connor: What did you DO?

Me: Hmm... *grabs random tape recorder*

Tape recorder in Connor's voice: Ya, Zeus is tottally rash and retarted. And Aphrodite's so ugly... Athena's so dull. Like, gray, gray, and oh, look! MORE FREAKING GREY! OH JOY!

Connor: I DIDN'T SAY THAT! I- *Zeus, Aphrodite, and Athena appear* SHIT!

Me: Off you go. * Connor, Zeus, Aphrodite, and Athena dissapear to random greek collosium* LET'S FOLLOW THEM! *everyone teleports to collosium* Fuck, are those lions?

Zeus: *appears beside me* Yup. With panthers, eagles, owls, alligators, a pool of pirahnas, and a- Surprise. *evil smile*

Me: Oh. *backs away* Yeah. Cool. BEGIN! Heh heh. That was fun. *huge flurry of animals attack Connor. Who, of course, is wrapped in seaweed*

Me: YEAH! GET EM! OH, THAT'LL LEAVE A MARK! WOW, THIS IS AWESOME! ZEUS, YOU ROCK! HA HA, THIS IS FUN!

Zeus: Do you wanna help?

Me: HADES YA! THANK YOU! *hugs Zeus* I GOTTA GO! *charges off with stink bombs, steak, a hammer, a poster of Justine Peabrain, her Christmas collection, and Sharpies*

Athena: Er, was that so wise? Letting her go with all of that equipment?

Zeus: Do you not remember what happened earlier?

Athena: Yes, but-

Zeus: We do need a new executioner on Olympus...

Athena: Father, but it's HER! Do you know what she can DO with those?

Zeus: That's the point. *smirk*

**_On the collesium, story mode, third person POV_**

Kris charged at Connor. She carried a large school bag, filled with gods knows what. She swung the bag around, facing her. The first thing she pulled out was some steak and pins. She ran up to Connor, and attached the steak with the pins, hammering them down. Connor yelped slightly from the pins poking him. "Grow up," Kristen muttered. She also pulled out a large poster of Justine Beaver, smirking. She pulled out a hot glue gun and began to smear it onto the poster, on Peabrain's face. Connor's eyes widened considerably when she smacked it onto his face. Kristen watched with some curiousity as Connor began to scream, that and there was smoke coming off his face.

" KILL ME! IT'S TERRIBLE!" Connor screamed. "Oh, that's not all of it. yet..." Kristen trailed off. She put a Peabrain shirt on Connor, where it also began to smoke where the picture touched him. A mortal walked in randomly, whisteling and skipping. She glanced at the picture on the shirt and began to turn to stone, slowly. "Poor girl, she never had a chance," Kris said, shaking her head. She grabbed the Peabrain IPod, and a pair of headphones. She placed the headphones on his head gently and plugged it in. She turned the IPod on full volume, and pressed play. "AIE! AAIIIIEEEEEEEEE! TURN IT OFF!" Shrugging, Kris ran away, letting the animals have him.

**_Back to the usual version!_**

Me:That was fun.

Zeus: O_o... What did you DO to him?

Me: Oh, you'll see.

... To be continued...

**Haha, arn't I evil? Imma be even more evil. I'm not gunna update till I get 100 reviews. HA! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *chokes* Okay never mind. And, The Stolls are taken off the poll vote for whoever you want to be tortured next. And also, Come on people, seven more until 100 reviews. DO IT! NOW! REVIEW! AND VOTE! PRESS THE BUTTON OF PURE AWESOMENESS DOWN THERE!**


	14. Stolls and Tori, episode 2

**_Third person POV_**

The animals charged at Connor, lions first. The steak placed on his chest was cooked from Peabrain's face. The lion ate the one that was touched directly by the face. It dropped down to the floor, dead. Most of the other lions were still charging, but this time along with the panthers. The eagles and owls soared down, beady eyes set on Connor. A random trap door opened at Connor's feet, with a pool of pirahnas, waiting for their dinner. Connor was knocked down into the pool by a large lion. And then the pirahnas went insane...

**_THA USUAL VERSION!_**

Travis: Oh gods, what did you DO to him?

Me: Heh, fun with animals?

Travis: A petting Zoo?

Me: Uh, ya! A petting zoo. And... * chains appear on Travis and Connor appears*

Connor: So... many... AGH! OWLS!

Me: Hmm... ASIAN STYLE REHAB! *lights Connor on fire*

Connor: OHMIGODS! ARGH! WATER! WATER! *Poseidon stands to the side, smirking*

Me: Yea, he's not getting any water from him. Maybe... *throws bucket of water at Connor* *Water reverses and lands back in bucket* O_o

Me: Huh. Lemme try that again... *Poseidon glares at me* Or not... Meh. It'l stop at some point. But now... *chains appear on Travis and I pull out Sharpies*

Travis: Oh, gods no!

Me: Uh huh! *starts doodling on Travis* Heh heh. This is fun...

Connor: Ugh.

Me: He'll be fine, right Hades?

Hades: Erm, I'm going to go tell Daedalus to start building more houses in Elysium... * sinks down to Underworld*

Me: Erm, right Apollo?

Apollo: Uh, I'm going to go help Hades... *shimmers out*

Me: Is shimmering out even supposed to be manly? Like, really? 'The bulk wrestler man SHIMMERED out to the wonderful green pastured of Happyville'. I don't think so... Right Connor? *turns around to see pile of ashes*

Me: Oh gods...

Travis: YOU BLEEPING KILLED MY BROTHER!

Me: No, their godly forms killed them.

Travis: Why you-

Me: Language, Travis.

Travis: YOU BLEEPING CUSS ALL THE TIME!

Me: Why you- *turns to godly form and turns back* Travis? *pile o ashes* Uh huh. Well... We have a special guest! TORI! Goddess of Storms, embarassment, ignorence, and annoyence. Everyone give her a warm applause! *Cricket, cricket* Ya, that figures.

Tori: HEY!

Me: Sup Tori?

Tori:Not much, you?

Me: Oh, same old same old. Torturing demigods, gods, mortals alike. And getting back a certain goddess who tortured me on their show!

Tori: Who would that be?

Me:You.

Tori: Oh yeah. Good times, good times.

Me: So, for this segment... *everyone poofs back to Greek collesium and I throw Tori in there with a bull and red cape attached to her* TORO, TORO! *bull charges*

Me: MWAHAHAHAHAHA! PAYBACK! *bull tramples Tori* YEAH! WORK IT WORK IT! *takes random snapshots* WHOO! Okay, I'm bored again. *transports back to set*

Tori: I hate you.

Me: Aw, thanks. APHRODITE'S! *takes picture of Sh_(haha, Tori you know who) and begins to deface it with Sharpies* MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! STAMPEDE! *Peabrain fans(gah) stampede Tori*

Tori: I... Hate...You...

Me:*throws Tori into a volcano* Meh. I'll get her later.*Volcano erupts and melts satellite*

**HAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! I always wanted to do that. AND HAPPY 100 REVIEWS! WHOOOOO! PARTY! TAHNK YOU ALL! YOU DA BEST! BE THE BEST AGAIN BY REVIEWING!10 reviews before I update...**


	15. PAYBACK

Me: WELCOME BACK EVERYONE! *applause* Today, we are going to visit Tori again! In the Underworld. *stage appears at the Underworld* She's not dead, she's also a goddess. So, I'm going to summon her up. Warning. You may not want to try this at home. Now... TORI! I HAVE A DOUBLE CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE!

Tori: *Appears* GIMME GIMME GIMME! *snatches cookie* *chains appear on her*

Me: HA!

Tori:... Imma eat you...

Me: OHMIGODS! TORI'S A LAISTRYGONIAN! AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!

Tori:O_o... Erm, no I'm not.

Me:Oh, okay. Anyways... CERBERUS! MRS. O'LEARY! COME! Hehe... *dumps steaks and gravy on Tori*

Tori: AAAARGGGGHHHHH! *starts running away*

Me: Go! Find the steak! *Mrs O'Leary and Cerberus starts running after Tori* It's so beautiful... *Cerberus steps on Tori by accident* Oh gods...

_hours of tearing and shredding Tori to bits_

Tori: *walks in completely shredded* That's it. I officialy hate dogs.

Me: Hehe. Now... PAYBACK! APHRODITE'S! (haha, havn't used them in a while)

Tori: NOOOOOOOOOOO! *gets swarmed by Aphrodite's* Hahaha. Now, while we wait, we're going to watch Nice juggle hellhounds. *Nico appears*

Nico: WHAT?

Me: And, if he drops them, he gets dunked into a replica of River Styx.

Nico: Wouldn't that make me invincible?

Me: Keyword; Replica. Has all the disintegrating pain of Styx, yet none of the invincibility. JUGGLE BOI! *three hellhounds appear*

Nico:*gulp* And if I don't?

Me: You get dipped into River Styx and suffer the same fate as her. *points at Tori, who are still swarming her*

Nico: Erm, okay, the I'll just... *runs away*

Me: Sigh. Sad, sad boy. *appears again*

Nico: HADES I WAS CLOSE!

Me: NOW HURRY UP AND JUGGLE!

Nico: er, *tries to pick up random baby hellhounds* YEAH!

Me: Oh well. You still have to juggle.

Nico: Oh yeah... *starts trying to juggle hellhounds* *drops all after three seconds*

Me: BYE NICO! *gets dunked in replica of styx*

Nico: AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Me: Now, that should've gived the Aphrodite's enough time. *Tori appears* Dude, what are you supposed to be?

Tori: Lady Gaga.

Me: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH! Meh. You can go now. I have to check on the others at the fields of punishment. Bye. Shoo. *throws random cookie into Tartarus*

Tori: MINE MINE MINE MINE! *jumps into Tartarus to save the cookie*

Me: O_o... Yup. Okay. Let's go find the others. *Percy, Annabeth, Clarrisse and Thalia appear*

Annabeth:*looks around* Where's Nico?

Me: OH SHIT! *grabs a fishing rod and throws it into Styx* dum. Da dum da dum da dum. Dum. Da dum. Da dum da- *Nico flies out of Styx*

Percy: Hey bro. Welcome to invincability.

Nico: I'm not invincible.

Percy: But you just- Why is Styx so clean?

Me: Because it's a replica. All the pain, no invincibility.

Nico: I hate you...

Me: Why thank you! Now, how was your vacation in the Fields of Punishment?

Percy: Well, Alecto was 'happy' to see me again... *shudders* but then realized that I've been through worse. *glares at me* So, she made a duplicate of your show.

Me: I have to make a note of that. Plagerism. I copyrighted this show! But very smart... Note to self; meet up with Furies.

Annabeth: Oh gods...

Thalia: GET TO CAMP! *everyone starts running*

Me: WAIT! YOU'LL KNOCK OVER THE EQUIPME-

*static*

**Hey , if you look up at my profile pic, youu'll see what I look like, for anyone who's wondering. I'm the chick to the left. And Sorry for not updating,but I was busy. Four tests and a HUGE science project in one week. *shudders* That and I was lazy. Sorry. Also, if you were confused about that 'PAYBACK' part, check out .net/s/6221922/10/Interviews_with_Demigods, and you'll see why I was torturing her. And, I'm thinking of doing a sequel to this if I ever finish. Any ideas? And also, I'll be waiting for any suggestions for tortures you want. You can also vote on my POLL and vote who you want tortured. And REVIEW! I want 10 reviews at least till the next chappy. Why? Cause I'm evil. 120 reviews, if you lose track. mUAHAHAHAHAHA! BYE!**


	16. Poseidon and th Quest for Britney Spears

**What happened to Poseidon.**

**(Boredom and filler chappy, I just wondered what happened.)**

Poseidon: Okay, go straight at China... so... *reaches Beijing* This counts... My feet hurt.

Random Asian guy:*in really old ancient scratchy Asian accent* Hi, oh, do you have any Catfish?

Poseidon: Er, no. Why?

Random Asian guy: Oh, I'm opening a sushi restaurant. BIIIIGGG Buisness. See? *holds up pic of Hippocampus sushi*

Poseidon: NOOOOOO! RAINBOW! WHY? *sobs and looks up* You will _pay_.

Random Asian guy: Stranger danga! *maces Poseidon and grabs staple gun and pic of Peabrain*

Poseidon: MY EYES!

Random Asian guy: What I do for buisness. Hmph. Fishermen with no feesh(fish).

Poseidon: MY FACE! *random ad of Myspace and Facebook appear* No, not those! MY FACE! IT'S BURNING! THE STAPLES WERE BETTER THEN THIS! CRAP! *dips face in Styx* Better. Even Styx was better than that. Oh, this is what that Daughter of Hecate is doing. I must stop her at once! *sees random pic of Britney Spears* Right after I find her!

Little Asian boy: Who a you?

Poseidon: Why, I'm Poseidon.

Little Asian boy: Wat aw you dwoing?

Poseidon: I'm looking for Britney Spears.

Little Asian boy: Womanizer womanizer, baby you da womanizer, you, you , you are, you, you, you are,

Poseidon: THAT'S IT! COME HERE KID!

Little Asian boy: AHH! MOMMY! STRANGA DANGA! *maces Poseidon and goes phyco ninja*

Poseidon: AHHHH! MY EYES ARE BURNING!

Little Asian boy's sister: Serves you right, big man. *kicks Posiedon's shins**Goes crazy phyco ninja on Poseidon and walks away with her brother*

Poseidon: O_o... China's tough...

_twenty four hours later_

Poseidon: *Dragging himself* Oh. My. Titans. That. Was. Hard. I've been beat up by many, many Asians, turned around and left to Spain, got beat up by Mexican hat dance music, went to Turkey, and got beat by TURKEYS! *sees Britney Spears tour bus* YES! I'VE MADE IT! *goes up to Britney*

Poseidon: Hi, I've gone around the world to meet you.

Britney Spears: STALKER! *grabs bow and arrow and shoots Poseidon*

Poseidon: Oh, she's a daughter of Apollo... AAAHHH!

*static*

**Review? IDK I got boredd. :P Do whatever :P**


	17. Gabe Ugliano

Me:Hey peoples! Welcome back! Today, we give a warm torture to... GABE UGLIANO! *series of BOO's* Ya, that figures. *Gabe appears*

Gabe: What the hell?

Me: Wazzup you fat lard?

Gabe: FAT LARD? WHY YOU-

Me: Hahaha, SUFFER! *Throws Gabe into random room with boxing kangaroo* O_o Oh gods...

Gabe: *muffled* OH HOLY SHIT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?

Me: Dude, he curses more than I do. Let's pick someone to help from the audience, shall we? *REALLY loud applause as I walk up and down the aisles* You. Let's go. *Me and contestant walks up to stage* So, what's your name?

Person: Sarah…..

Me:Hi Sarah, do you want to torture him? Wait, don't answer that, I already know you do!

Sarah: Can… Can I throw my mom at him?

Me: Why?

Sarah: Look at my mom.

*shows mom*

Me:Hmm, interesting...

Sarah: Can I?

Me: Sure, knock yourself out.

Gabe: WHATCHA GOT MOTHER FUCKERS?

Me: Her mom.

Gabe: WHAT THE FUCK!

*throws Mom*

Gabe: Hey bab- OHMIGOD WHAT THE HELL IS SHE- WHAT THE SHIT! HOLY DAMN!

Sarah: Now you see what I go through everyday.

Me: Yeah… Here's 1,000 drachma.

Sarah: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! *pelts Gabe with coins*

Gabe: THAT HURTS LIKE HELLS!

Sarah: Ooooooooooohhhhhh, Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaades dearest?

Hades: What.

Me: Gabe says it hurts like hell…. Does it?

Hades: Um, no.

Me: Can you make it hurt like Tartarus!

Hades: Sure, but he's not going to die.

Me: Whatever. Kill him on the insideeee!

Sarah: And my mom, don't forget my mom!

Hades: Yeah, yeah.

Gabe&Sarah's mom: , THE PAIN!

Sarah: Suck it.

Me: Go die.

Hades: Do you really want them to?

Me and Sarah: PLEASEEEEE!

*mom disappears*

Me: Why didn't that THING disappear?

Gabe: ! SHE'S FINNALY FUCKING DEAD! THANK YOU GOD!

Hades: Yup, it's praising me.

Me: SUFFERING IN THE BOX OF SUFFERS!

*pushes Gabe in box*

Sarah: What's in there?

Me: Percy, a normal working sword that can kill people, a headset, Medusa, and tacos.

Sarah: Why tacos?

Me: Why not tacos?

Sarah: True.

*lots of screams coming from the box*

Me: RELEASE !

*silence*

*Percy walks out of the box, dusting himself off*

Percy: Done.

Me: Well, that's our show for today! See you next week!

**Yo, credit to HuntressOfTheSky 13 for basically writing this chappy. :D Sarah, you da best! sorry for the late update, but I had 4 tests in one week, and another 4 this week. D: Dude, I'm only an 8th grader!-_- High school will be hell. Anyways, go to my forum! There are places of altered reality, torture rooms, cookies, and the whole load. Go! And if you wanna choose who to torture, go to my poll. Thanks peoples. REVIEW!**


	18. Rachel Elizabeth Dare

Me: Hey peoples! HAPPY WHATEVER DAYYY! Anyways, we have... RACHEL DARE! *Rachel drops from the sky and breaks through ceiling and lands on spikes*

Me:STYX! We had to fix that hole in the ceiling a week ago! Then she just comes and POOF!THE CEILING DIES! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?

Rachel:-_- YOU'RE THE ONE WHO HAD ME FALL THROUGH THE CEILING!

Me: WHICH I JUST FIXED! HAVE YOU NO SHAME? GO STAND IN THE CORNER!

Rachel: No. I refuse to stand in a corner and be treated like a five year old.

Me: That's it, it's time for the box.

Rachel: You can't make me g- *gets thrown in empty cardboard box* Hey, this isn't so- OH MY GODS WHAT IS _THAT?_

Me:Meh. Leave her. Anyways, I would like to introduce... EVE BENSON, DAUGHTER OF (_BLEEP) _AND KYLE!*Eve and Kyle rise from the ground*

Audience: WHOOOOOOOOOO!YEAH! *and wateva comes after that*

Eve: WAZZUP PEOPLE?

Kyle: *eyes place suspiciously* Erm, nice place you have here...

Me: Why thank you! I designed it myself!

Kyle:Uh huh... WHY IS THAT BOX MOVING?

Me: HOLY HADES! I FORGOT! HERE'S OUR TARGET! *box explodes*

Eve:_RACHEL?_

Rachel: Eve... GET ME OUTTA THIS TARTARUS!

Eve: I'm helping...

Rachel: SERIOUSLY?

Me: Ah, friends united... Anyways, in honour of all the Percabeth fans out there who voted, we are going to do a segment dedicated to you. Rachel, you're watching... Percy and Annabeth's dates.

Rachel: AHHHHHH! YOU [_BLEEP_]! I WILL-

Me: CUT TO THE ALTERNATE!

_Perry the Platypus roamed the vast garden. He ducked under the kid's picnic table, and paused. He listened to the eerie silence. No one. Things were quiet... to quiet. But he didn't care. He needed to finish this mission. His legs tensed, and he sprang,leaping to the target. His massive bill clamped down on the chewy yellow substance. Mm. Gouda cheese. Man, if platypi could talk, he would-_

Me: AND WE'RE BACK! Anyways, *stuffs Rachel's mouth with a huge wad of old used gum that was taken off the streets of Manhattan*

Rachel:Grahsh!

Me: Wateva. LETS DO THIS! *presses play on a TV that just appeared*

Eve:*shifts uncomfortably* This can't be good.

_"Oh, Annabeth, you are the best, wonderful, most insanely smart girl I've met. I've waited for four years to ask you, but..." *audience gasps* Will you... help me with a school project? Wait, WHAT? ATHENA! Annabeth, I'll say this quick. Will you go out- and get me a textbook? AHHHHH! NO! GO ON A DATE WITH ME PLEASE!"_

_"Oh, Percy, yes!"_

_"Great, so I'll meet you at my house so we can- finish off the history Project. Wait, NOOOOOOO!_

Rachel: MMF! Ar BUARGNES!

Me: What? Oh, and one more thing. *grabs a buncha paintings, including rachel's and the Mona Lisa's and slices them to shreds with a chainsaw*

Rachel: *holds chest and screams, and spits out gum wad thing* ARE YOU MAD, WOMAN?

Kyle: Kris, why are you torturing her by cutting paintings?

Me: Whateva. It's fun, and she hates it.

Eve: Kris, put down the chainsaw, slowly.

Me: No. And if you disrupt this show again, imma put you in the box. *dramatic music*

Eve and Kyle: What box?

Me: *points over to cardboard box* Enough explained.

Eve: You will _not_ put me in a cardboard box.

Me: I will if I have to. Or, there are other things.

Eve: NO! NEVER! *goes insane and smashes camera*

**OMG! SHORT CHAPTER, BUT SUCH A LONG UPDATE THING! Anyways, people, I am sad to announce that PJO PWNED, my first popular story, is coming to a close. Yes, the horrifying words have been said. I'm just losing ideas and inspiration. I _will_ add more from time to time, if I ever get more sadistic cartoon-ish violence. But not for now. That, and my father is very sick, my friend from my old school, her sis died due to liekemia, and she was nine years old. I'm off topic. Anyways, I will have a sequel posted soon. Possibly Insanity at Camp, or sumthing. I would like to thank the Wizarding Demigod, I'mAnIdiotButWhoCares, Tia and Tori(Im not even gonna bother doing their pennames, cause knowing them, they're gonna be changing the pennames tomorrow) Need a Penname(ironic) SnickerdoodlezandPandas, HotChoclate in Summer, Emily a Huntress of Artemis, Shimmering Huntress, Lyres, HuntressoftheSky13, Friends are like Potatoes, Sister of Thalia, Fanfic Wolf, and everyone else who reviewed every chapter. I love ya'll(in the most non creeper way) and thanks for being with me through thick and thin. You have no idea how grateful I am to you... And if ya wanna talk more, I'm always on my forum, where you can torture people yourself, visit a place that nothing actually makes sense, and burn down a cabin.**

**.net/forum/Demigod_Quests/79739/**

**Goodbye, my awesome readers.**

**Kris**


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